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Post by notdomino on Feb 14, 2024 7:03:25 GMT
Benkei would lay in his bed, blanket over his head. Lost for words was an understatement. He would sleep, but no amount of shut eye would be enough to alleviate him from the weight bearing down on him. He'd lift up once and a while, only to notice more time had passed, but the pain hadn't receded. There were so many missed opportunities, and as motivating as he was with starting an internship with the Dragon Heights, he hadn't called them in a few days. A turn and a tumble, the young hero fell out of bed and stared at the door. There was yesterday's tray, next to the day before... He didn't know if it were Yo or Serena, but someone had been bringing him food.
He inched closer, inspecting both, only to pick up the juice bottle.
His appetite wouldn't find him anytime soon. In a dehydrated inhale, Benkei drank it all in one sitting and neatly placed it back on the tray. He ought to start cleaning, but that could be for another day. He said that yesterday... and the day before. He didn't understand how, but his bed swallowed him whole once me. There he'd continue to lay with these harrowing thoughts.
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Post by cmd1095 on Feb 15, 2024 3:07:32 GMT
Serena didn't bother knocking when she reached Benkei's door, she knew he wouldn't answer, she just tested the doorknob... still unlocked. He must've never relocked it after last time. The first time she'd shown up to deliver food to him she'd had to pick the lock, one of the few times she was grateful for all her thief skills. Since then the door had remained unlocked as Benkei was in too much of a funk to bother locking it again... and as she opened the door she could see he hadn't even been eating much either.
Serena sighed, then walked in with today's tray of food, as well as a black envelope which she set on the desk for now as she walked over to Benkei's bed and set the tray down on it next to him
"Eat, it's been three days, you're not starving to death on my watch" Serena said, her tone was firm, but forced. She knew how much Benkei was suffering, she was suffering too... but she wasn't going to lose another person. He wasn't allowed to kill himself, she wouldn't allow it... she'd force feed him if that's what it took. Not that she was in great shape herself right now...
if Benkei looked he could see Serena was still pretty heavily bandaged on her arms and legs, like she'd been during the public UA announcement, with someone like Brine on UA's staff, her injuries must've been pretty severe to not be healed yet. And being familiar enough with her he could likely also tell her body language was stiffer than usual, likely due to pain she was pushing through.
"I'm not leaving till you eat a proper meal. Choke it down if you have to, you're not... I'm not..." Serena trailed off, then sat down in a chair by the desk "...I'm not losing you too damnit" she said more softly
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Post by notdomino on Feb 15, 2024 8:04:06 GMT
"I'm not hungry..." He could talk? It felt like forever since he did. A part of him felt like moving his jaw felt like too much work. Everything felt like too much work. This was purely the depression talking. He looked to Serena with a disgruntled glare, one not too far off from the very person they both mourned. From the tray, he'd only nab a piece of toast. His arm disappeared into the blanket almost as fast as it reached out. Despite his apprehension toward food currently, he cleared the toast in no time. The body wanted what it wanted.
He'd sit up finally, mainly due to Serena's word. They felt like a guilt trip, but they were all too sincere. He peered over at the black envelope, then to her. "...What's that?" He knew exactly what it was but didn't want to face it. Only one person stayed that on brand, from agency cards, to small sticky notes, even his agency building appeared to be a black box among the ordinary buildings. Who was he kidding? Of course, it was a formal invitation to... that.
"My mail slot is probably full. I should've..." Admittedly, if she didn't visit, he wouldn't have even sat up. "It's this weekend... isn't it?" His thoughts were scattered brained, just trying to pull sense out of the deep darkness he sat in only a few moments ago. These invites didn't go to just anybody. More importantly, he looked at Serena in earnest. "How you holding up?"
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Post by cmd1095 on Feb 16, 2024 0:28:08 GMT
"keep eating, a piece of toast is not going to beat three days of malnutrition... and considering how you inhaled it just now you can't claim you're not actually hungry" Serena scolded, but the topic changed to the invitation, taking a bit of the wind out of her sails... "yeah... it's the weekend. I know it'll hurt to go but... we both owe that much, so..."Serena was cut off again by the topic suddenly shifting to how she was handling things, causing her to look down at her bandaged arms and legs, thinking back to how well she'd "held up" in the moment. --------- (spoiling the flashback cause it contains a depiction of Serena's panic attacks, so, you know, content warning)
Serena hadn't been able to sleep well last night... all night she'd been nagged by this gnawing feeling that she was needed somewhere, but she hadn't been able to figure out why. She'd chalked it up to her old paranoia from the street days, but it left her sleeping in in the morning a bit later than usual, and waking up groggily
And then her phone flared to life with messages from all sorts of people, skimming through the message previews they were all concerned for her, and mentioning the news... what was all this about? Serena opened up her phone and brought up the most recent news broadcast. Speed was retiring? Why would that have everyone so... concerned... the video's second half never finished. She only got a few lines into Strive's announcement... her phone battery instantly dying. A chill spread throughout the room and deep into Serena's core, the lights flickered as her phone, still plugged into the wall, tried desperately to recharge itself... only for any charge it gained to be ripped out of it and into the body of the girl holding it.
The words Strive spoke echoed in her head, over and over and over
"Two days ago... the Dusk Hero, Nocturne - Yoo-doumaru Ryuujin
- was cut down in the line of duty."
"No... he can't... that's not... no no no nonononono" Serena stammered, her phone case began to crack as it was chilled beyond the point it could handle without becoming brittle... there was no warmth left in the room now. She felt sick, emotions swirling inside her as she dropped the phone. Air, she needed air, she couldn't stay here she felt like she was going to puke.
Serena ran outside, sprinting without looking where she was going, muscle memory bringing her to the training grounds, isolated... good... she needed space. She had to think... this was just... another trick by that team confidence right? Another cruel joke on the heroes? Yeah that was it, a fake news broadcast hijacking the airwaves again! But... no way they could've replicated Speed in the hospital like, that, and Strive... but it couldn't be true... it couldn't, it COULDN'T! Her last interaction with him couldn't be... her last words to him shouldn't be... couldn't... she...
But they were... she had said awful things to him... driven him away... and now he was gone. Serena fell to her knees, she felt like she was crying but she couldn't feel the tears on her cheeks as steam began rising from her and the air in the training grounds grew cold. SHe felt sick, so much swirling inside her, she wanted to puke, she wanted to scream, she... she'd!
"failed again, just like always"
no... oh no not the voices again. Serena clamped her hands over her ears as the world around her began fading away, shadowy figures surrounded her, each with a face she recognized. "No not this again please..." she whimpered as the hallucinations grew more solid to her by the minute. Everything else faded, there was only the faces and voices of those she'd hurt, let down... or caused the deaths of...
"what a worthless street rat"
"why are you even alive!"
"you should've died instead!"
"failure"
"murderer!"
"Worthless"
"They're not real, just ignore them, it's fine, just gotta breathe, I just... I need to" Serena said, trying to ground herself, she'd gotten through these attacks before she could do it... there was a new face in the crowd, and her brief attempt to regain composure crumbled as Nocturne's voice joined the chorus
"You left me, when I needed you most, why Serena?"
"No, I... I didn't want this! I just..." she tried to protest, her voice and body trembling as everything swirled inside her, she felt the stinging of tears in her eyes but they never fell, they just vanished, turning to steam and rising away from her... gods she felt sick. Frost began spreading along the ground around her, the grass stiffening and freezing as all the heat was drawn out of it.
"Murderer, Useless, you should be dead, parasite!"
the voices were relentless, and for the first time the shadows lashed out at her, cuts appeared on her arms as the shadows raked at her with dark claws... that was new, but the voices were the worst part. Speaking every negative belief about herself in a chorus of voices she knew, voices of people she felt guilt towards. They struck her again and again, each time a new wound appearing on her body... this was just a hallucination how were they... she felt even sicker now... everything swirling inside her. Steam was rising from her body in copious amounts now as she sweat all over and it evaporated instantly
"Street rat!"
"Thief"
"Murderer!"
"you left me!"
"I trusted you!"
"Why did you do it?"
"...shut up" Serena said quietly "Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up!"
"Murder..!"
"I SAID SHUT UP!"
Everything exploded out from her at once, in a defiant scream of pain and anguish Serena's body erupted in a hurricane of kinetic energy and lightning, a swirling vortex of steam and electricity that ripped apart the ground around her, throwing chunks of debris everywhere as thunder boomed and wind howled, amplifying her screams into the howl of a storm, blasting the shadows away by sheer force... and tearing her body up in the process as well
After a moment, the storm died down, and Serena sat in a crater, surrounded by destruction and sparks of electricity that still jumped from point to point around her... she looked around... seeing torn up ground, sparks of energy, and blood... blood? She looked down at herself... her arms and legs were badly hurt... how had they...? The dots connected with how sick she'd felt and the hallucinations harming her. A quirk overload... that swirling in her gut had been energy beyond what she could handle, and it had been tearing it's way out of her body until she exploded...
the voices were gone now... for now... and now that her body was cooled off the tears could flow again. She collapsed to the ground, sobbing and bleeding, surrounded by destruction... that's all someone like her deserved anyway.
------------ "I won't lie and say I'm fine..." Serena said, coming back to the present "the past few days have been... grueling... but... I've had help getting through it. I'm not alone... not like... before."Serena trailed off for a moment, but recovered "and you aren't alone either... I won't let you be. I know... I know Nocturne was your last blood relative... but... you still have a family Benkei. You don't have to face this alone."
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Post by notdomino on Feb 16, 2024 2:06:11 GMT
Benkei watched Serena stew with heavy eyes. Slowly he brought the tray up, and began poking his fork through, finally digging in. He couldn't taste it. He shoveled it down faster than he could process what was in front of him. "Yeah... figured." He flinched when she mention Yoo being the the last blood relative. That simple sentence hurt more than he could even display. It was a fact he held it close to his chest. She was the closest thing he had to family now, seeing the kind of relationship she had with Yoo. "Thanks, Serena. You aren't alone either." The room grew quiet for a breif moment. He didn't want to keep feeling like this. Maybe talking out would feel better, than just stuffing it all in. He tapped his utensil against the tray. Here goes nothing...
"You know... I changed my hero name when I joined Dragon Heights. My initiation was tough..., but at the end of the day I wanted to represent the person that saved me when I needed it the most. To honor my cousin, I chose the name NightSky." He clutched his fists hard, but sheepishly smiled at Serena as he shared. "I wish I could've told him. I'm sure it would've made him smile. He was always a sentimental guy under that stony face."
"People didn't know it, but my cousin was plenty happy. He didn't smile because he was tired... always alert... always working. If he wasn't at the agency, he was in school. If he wasn't in school, he was training my sorry butt or locked in a room studying some investigation he needed to crack." The good memories felt sweeter to the tongue rather than wailing in despair. There were way more good times than bad, so Benkei would share what he knew... -what he saw. "Yoo was tired because he worked hard at everything he did. To be in the top 10 for two whole decades... I'm sure the happiest he's been was when he started teaching. He praised you a lot when I first got saved by him. I could tell he wanted us to be friends."
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Post by cmd1095 on Feb 16, 2024 3:49:03 GMT
Serena cracked a smile as Benkei both began eating and also began reminiscing about his time with Nocturne. A step in the right direction for sure, even if it hurt to reminisce over the good times for her... she didn't feel she deserved to have those good memories with him after the way she'd left after all. But this visit wasn't about her, she would be fine, she was always fine eventually... Benkei needed the help now, so she would do what it took no matter how it ached.
"Yeah I remember how much of a workaholic he was, people were surprised I kept up with him in terms of workload, turns out I'm just as bad" Serena chuckled, it was somewhat forced, but the emotion was still there "he was kind too, people saw him as gruff and grumpy, but he reached out to me. Saw in me a troubled girl with potential not unlike him... and he went out of his way to bring me into the fold, to put me on the right path. And he was so patient with me, putting up with all my paranoia and neurosis remaining from my past... I don't know if I would've made it this far if he hadn't... likely would've gotten myself expelled and become a vigilante by now... I owe him a lot"
Serena internally flinched as the voices reared their heads again to remind her how she repaid him for it all. She knew she'd repaid his kindness with pain, she wasn't going to make that mistake again. She would be better, and taking care of Benkei was part of that duty. Her face remained straight, keeping her internal conflict inside and not letting it show... push down the pain and smile through it, she was good at that.
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Post by notdomino on Feb 22, 2024 5:32:59 GMT
Benkei dropped another tear, but it felt like a release rather than the dark pain he was feeling earlier. The weight wouldn't release itself, however. That would take time, as it did with his brothers and parents. He and Serena were just examples of the deeds Nocturne did. "It's funny... Nocturne never once asked for acknowledgment or thanks for his actions. He simply did them because they were the right thing to do, and trudged forward to the next thing he could solve. " He looked at the invitation with a longing expression. "Our biggest way of repaying him will be, being present at his funeral and becoming the heroes we were destined to be."
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Post by cmd1095 on Feb 22, 2024 17:39:53 GMT
Serena's eyes were wet too, despite her best efforts to keep her emotions in check "yeah, that's what drew me to him at first. You know when I came to UA I had this huge grudge against all the top ranked heroes. Thought every last one of them was just a self-absorbed narcissist not helping people unless it boosted their fame. I mean I'd grown up around corrupt heroes and villains who the big name heroes never showed up to stop. Thought it was all about fame and money for them and I hated them for it." she said "then I met Nocturne, the rank 10 hero, thought I'd hate him too, just another corrupt hero out for his own gain... man I couldn't have been any more wrong. He wasn't concerned with fame or money at all, just helping people, he was exactly who I wanted to emulate at the time."
Serena looked up to hide how full of tears her eyes were, gazing up at the ceiling "my goals changed a bit, when I realized I had the potential to do more than just save people I could physically reach, but he never stopped being amazing to me... if I had met him sooner... if Hosu had a hero like him when I was a kid I..." she trailed off, voice to shaky to get any more words out. It took her a minute to compose herself again
"You're right though, it's up to us now. We need to become stronger, become heroes at least half as great as him, take up the mantle of the city he protected and more..." Serena said once her voice was steady again "that way when you join him one day you can hold your head high with pride."
Her choice of words leaving herself out of joining him was telling, if subtle. She was pretty sure she wasn't going to go to the same place as Nocturne after all, and even if she did, she didn't know if she could ever face him.
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Post by notdomino on Mar 7, 2024 9:48:08 GMT
Benkei listened closely. Hate him? Was her perception of heroes really that low? Thinking about his old mindsets... he hadn't really thought much about right or wrong. His brother could tell he was a bit different then the rest of the yakuza, but survival was survival. Whatever got them money or food would get done without question back then. He stared at his hands, then back to her. " He'll be the one joining us and maybe he'll be reborn as someone who's a lot less lonely..." Benkei didn't believe himself to be going to heaven, if there was one. He was a believer of rebirth. He was a street rat compared to Yoo who was an heir to a once violent clan. If that man could change the tide of his entire clan and life path, then who was to say Serena couldn't make it to heaven...
As low as he believed himself to be on the totem pole, he couldn't give up on hope. Giving up on hope felt disrespectful to what Nocturne showed them. Nocturne was a personification of fighting ones destiny. Given the circumstances, the dusk hero was supposed to be a dark and sinister crime lord. Instead, he became a beacon of justice and a peacemaker for his city. Benkei could only dream of doing the same.
"We're going to that funeral to pay our respects." He said, tapping the envelope.
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Post by cmd1095 on Mar 7, 2024 21:39:56 GMT
Serena noted the different belief system implied by Benkei's statement, she really wasn't sure what belief system if any held any merit. She almost wished for there to be no god or anything, it would make how harsh the world was easier to stomach... plus an eternity of torment didn't exactly sound like something she wanted for herself. But if there was a heaven, she hoped Noc was there, and that Benkei would see him again. And if reincarnation were a thing...
"We'll just have to make a world bright enough that he won't have to be lonely next time around." Serena said, then laughed as Benkei asserted they were both going to the funeral "you say that as if I wasn't the one coming here to drag you out of your funk to go yourself. You wouldn't have even known the date if I hadn't pickkkkked up a spare key to your door and came in" she tried to cover up the fact she'd totally picked the lock to his door, but he came from the same kinda background as her, it probably wouldn't surprise him too much that she could do that.
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Post by notdomino on Mar 13, 2024 8:42:55 GMT
Benkei picked himself up and off the bed. "Yeah a place where it's safe and we're surrounded by friends and loved ones." He stretched, the bags under his eyes apparent, and his typical buzz cut was non-existant. If he could be 20 years old, he wouldn't look too different from Yoo. He slanted his eyes at the girl. There was no spare key... "I wasn't born yesterday... anyway." He'd head toward his hamper, and reach for a towel. On his way back to the bed, he already head a pair of hair clippers in his once free hand. "I'm gonna go clean myself up. " A best a smile as he could give her, he- "I'll catch up with you later... -kay?" He needed to shed this ick off of him. A shower and shaved head wouldn't take away the loss, but at least he'd be feeling like himself again. After a talk like this, maybe Serena needed a few moments to herself as well. She was trying to play it off, but there was a pit of sadness behind her gaze. Benkei knew because he had that same exact pain. "Can't show up to a funeral looking like dirt."
__________________________________________ OOC: Next chapter coloholics.boards.net/thread/983/darkest-day |
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